This is part 3 in a series of posts.
Part 1: Introduction | Part 2 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Godliness | Part 3 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Relationships | Part 4 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Stewardship | Part 5 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Joy & Peace in Christ | Part 6: Why is Social Media & Technology so Addicting? | Part 7: Applications
This material was first presented in a talk at First Baptist Church in Durham, N.C. Watch it here.
In Part 2 we saw that certain patterns of technology and social media use can impede our pursuit of godliness. But, we also have a responsibility in Scripture to do spiritual good to others through meaningful relationships and discipleship. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on in love and good deeds.” Therefore, the next biblical principle at stake concerning technology and social media is our relationships and discipleship.
Friendships
Producers of technology and social media platforms boast that their products and services bring people together, but does it? Though technology can help people stay in touch, and I’ve personally benefited from that, many have also found that technology can drive people into isolation and this can happen even when they are physically together.
We’ve probably seen groups of people all together, but all on their phones. No one is looking at one another, laughing with each other, talking to each other. In close proximity, but not together. As the title of Sherry Turkle’s book states, they’re “alone together.” Surely this isn’t how meaningful relationships are built.
But it’s easy. Relationships online are much easier than in person. We engage with the friends we want, when we want, about what we want. We are never inconvenienced. Yet, Tony Reinke says this can develop narcissistic tendencies in us.[1] It’s all about us.
In-person relationships take planning, sacrifice, physical presence and sometimes they are awkward. But we need real relationships. We need people who will challenge and sharpen us and we need the hard and inconvenient work of developing those relationships. These friendships shape us in vital ways.
Sherry Turkle writes that texting and interacting on social media are just forms of connecting. Conversation in contrast is more involved. [2] It develops, it’s more substantive, it’s real-time and it’s more meaningful and rewarding.
Andy Crouch cited a study that shows that a conversation usually takes about seven minutes to really start.[3] You have different questions and niceties and then perhaps some awkwardness, but then you get into a meaningful conversation. But, when we can pull out our phone at the first hint of awkwardness it blocks the path to real conversation.
Additionally, taking out our phones can even be hurtful to those we are talking to. When someone pulls out there phone to look at it instead of talking to you they communicate loud and clear how much they value you, especially if they don’t do that with someone else. It can be a form of favoritism that is condemned in James 4.
So, technology can actually inhibit our ability to have deep and memorable conversation.
Sherry Turkle says that instead of using connection to spoil our appetite for real conversation, we should use connection to lead to real conversation. We should use text as a means to communicate information or to set up a time to talk on the phone or meet up in person, but not to catch up and do the work of real conversation. This is true about relationships, and discipleship. It’s hard to disciple someone via text. We need that in-person time.
Memories are rarely made on technology. Even with some of my closest friends with whom I text every day, we often text about memories we’ve made in person over the years, but rarely about things that happened on our text.
A good friend keeps you off your phone. One wife went so far to say that her husband quitting social media was the best gift he ever gave her.
Family Discipleship and Relationships
But it isn’t just relationships with friends. Social media impacts family relationships.
Research shows that because of social media parents aren’t interacting with their kids during key developmental moments in their children’s lives.[4]
One of the most precious gifts of having Christian parents is the gift of discipleship and mentorship that happens on a daily basis. But social media is hindering this gift at times. Smartphones taking over a household has led to what Sherry Turkle calls the death of mentorship.[5]
The result of all this is the supplanting of rich family relationships with more shallow connection online. Andy Crouch makes the point that kids used to have no choice but to come to their parents about something embarrassing or stressful, but now it’s easier to go to friends online.[6] One argument for not giving kids phones until later in life is that it helps them develop discernment on which conversations need to be had with a loving and trustworthy person face-to-face and what trivial matters can be taken online.
It’s hard to overstate the importance of parents winning the hearts and trust of their kids through loving and intentional discipleship. It’s no wonder that many CEOs of major tech companies send their kids to private school that are tech free.[7] Even the leaders of tech companies realize the detrimental effects of technology overuse on kids. We should too.
The harsh reality is I’m a better worker, husband and dad when I take time away from the web and my phone. Ask yourself that question: am I a better spouse and parent and friend when I take time away from my phone and the web? And be willing to face the truth.
In the next post we’ll look at how social media and technology can effect our ability to be good stewards of the time and resources God gave us.
Part 1: Introduction | Part 2 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Godliness | Part 3 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Relationships | Part 4 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Stewardship | Part 5 – Biblical Principles at Stake: Joy & Peace in Christ | Part 6: Why is Social Media & Technology so Addicting? | Part 7: Applications
[1] Reinke, 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You. 71.
[2] Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation. Quoted in Newport, Digital Minimalism. 147
[3] Crouch, The Tech-Wise Family. 157.
[4] Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation. 108.
[5] Turkle. 14, 105.
[6] Crouch, The Tech-Wise Family. 117. Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation. 112.
[7] Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation. 55.
Mike McGregor
Mike McGregor (MDiv, Reformed Theological Seminary) is Director of College Ministry at First Baptist Church in Durham, N.C. You can follow him on Twitter at @m5mcgregor.
