We’ve all regretted speaking too much or too quickly. We’ve all felt annoyance at someone else speaking too much and dominating a conversation. We’ve all been frustrated with someone giving advice before they’ve really understood us, or using 100 words when only 10 were needed.
What does the Bible say about these situations and frustrations? Does Scripture speak on speaking?
What Does Scripture Say?
As it turns out, the Bible says a good deal on words.
Excessive Speech is a Mark of Fools
Ecclesiastes 5:2
Be not rash with your words nor be hasty to utter a word before God. For God is in heaven and you are on earth therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business and a fool’s voice with many words.
Proverbs 10:19 – When words are many transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
Proverbs 18:2 – A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
We tend to think wise people are known by their insights or their ability to wax eloquently on a variety of topics. What is interesting about these verses is that it identifies a wise man not by what he says but by what he doesn’t say. It demonstrates self-control, humility, and wisdom to restrain our words. When the wise do speak they are concise and economical with their words.
Hasty Speech is a Mark of Fools
Proverbs 29:20 – Do you see a man who is hasty with his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Prov 18:13 – If one gives an answer before he hears it is his folly and shame.
James 1:19 – Let each of you be slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to anger.
Related to excessive speech is hastiness of speech. The fool is associated with butting in, not fully listening before they speak.
When I was in college I attended an event where a pastor spoke on the topic of sexuality. The guys and girls split up to ask questions, the guys were with a pastor and the girls were with several older women. One guy rose his hand and asked if it was okay to do something that was clearly prohibited in Scripture. Everyone in the room knew the answer to this question was no, but I’ll never forget the way the pastor responded. He asked several clarifying questions to make sure he understood the question exactly. Finally, he said, “Well in that case, absolutely not.” It was a great example of not giving an answer before you hear.
We are bound to speak foolishly or hurtfully when we are hasty with our words.
What Being Wise With Our Words Doesn’t Mean
Some may read these verses and in an effort to be slow to speak may go to another extreme. So, for clarity’s sake let’s discuss what being wise with our words is not.
Being wise and restrained with our words does not mean we don’t help carry a conversation with someone. Some people can be a bit too good at restraining their words conversationally. They give brief answers to questions and don’t ask any of their own. This leaves their conversation partner in an exhausting and intimidating position. These folks haven’t said anything foolish or spoken excessively, but they also haven’t loved and cared for others with their words. They can easily come across cold, indifferent, stoic, or pretentious. The above verses don’t seem to hold up silence for silence’s sake. Excessive and hasty speech isn’t to be replaced with silence but listening. It’s not silence so that people can look on how wise and restrained we are, it’s silence so that we can respond most helpfully or so that we can ask questions and put the spotlight on others in love.
That brings us to the sin beneath excessive and hasty speech.
Why Do We Talk Too Much?
Probably the most common reason we speak too hastily or excessively is because of pride and insecurity.
You think you have the best things to say and that a conversation and the people in it won’t survive without all of your comments. You want people to think highly of you and you don’t want to miss an opportunity by not sharing some thought or insight so the floodgates pour out. It also reveals a lack of self-control on our part.
Instead, we should think humbly about our own ideas in an effort to obey Proverbs 3:7, “Be not wise in your own eyes.” I think of a pastor who was asked why he didn’t weigh into political matters very often. His sarcastic response demonstrated much humility: “Somehow the world continues to survive without my comments on these issues.”
C.S. Lewis said this about humility:
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably, all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him.[1]
Speaking excessively, too often, and hastily is a version of taking the highest place at the banquet. Jesus said not to assume the place of honor lest you are asked to move lower and are humiliated. When we talk the most we assume we have the best things to say. The same could be said for habitually speaking first or last, since opening a discussion and having the last word is typically considered an honor. Regularly assuming the place of opening or closing a discussion or prayer time demonstrates a slight hubris, rather than humbly speaking somewhere in the middle.
The Blessings of Limiting our Speech
When we are slow to speak we love others. If we take the lowest place of listening rather than speaking, we honor and love others. We also might be blessed by their thoughts.
When we do speak, we should try to speak less hastily. If we do this our words will carry more weight when we do speak. Everyone appreciates people who can communicate well but efficiently and economically. Without coming across cold these wise people don’t use 12 words when 6 will do. When it comes to words, often the enemy of great is good. There will always be some reason to share more rather than less, but that doesn’t mean it’s best. More words wear down your hearers and what you do say is less impactful.
If we’re wondering where to look for the perfect example of using our words wisely, we needn’t look any further than Jesus. He asked questions even when he knew the answer so that he might love his hearers better. He never spoke a wasted word, and only wisdom poured out of his mouth. But even more impressive is when he was silent.
Christ was oppressed and afflicted yet he opened not his mouth (Isa. 53:7). The night before Christ was crucified he could have confounded all of the high priests and religious leaders, he’d done it many times before. He could have marveled Pilate with his wisdom so that he was acquitted. He didn’t speak so he would be taken to the cross for us.
Because Jesus restrained from speaking to die for us, we can die to our pride and restrain from speaking when appropriate. When we understand how Christ silently took our place, we’ll be not only willing but happy to let others speak and to restrain ourselves in order to love others and lift them up. And when we do speak it will be more of a blessing.
[1] C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, UK ed. edition (London: Collins, 2012). 128.
Mike McGregor
Mike McGregor (MDiv, Reformed Theological Seminary) is Director of College Ministry at First Baptist Church in Durham, N.C. You can follow him on Twitter at @m5mcgregor.
